Cellphones are of the Devil! I've said it before. I'll say it again. Cellphones are of the Devil. I was ignored and lonely enough in my life before they arrived, and now, invisible is only a minor adjective to describe the nothingness I feel as even those who were my best of friends wave me silent so they can take that next call.
Call it pride, call it anything but I've refused to buy one to this point because if someone would ever want to actually talk with me in person, I don't want to miss it because I'm making my fourth stab at entering my password but my fingers keep slipping on the keypad.
And it's not only cellphones, it's those text-messaging things, too.
I'm guessing, actually, because maybe those text-messaging things are part of cellphones. Maybe some are and some aren't. Maybe it's obvious to you I'm making all this up. I honestly don't know a thing about cellphones and their ilk precisely because I honestly don't care. I don't care because I hold firm…
Cellphones and their spawn are of the Devil. But, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to tell you that I'm going to buy a cellphone WITH text-messaging, beg someone to teach me how to use it, and then, use it for what it's really meant for…to get me to the American Dream!
Are you following me? Can you see just how that wily Devil is sucking me in? And I don't care. That Beelzebub character is SO slick, I just gotta follow the glorious stench of brimstone straight to Hell!
What more do I have to know than this to decide to cut the lines on every moral anchor I've ever had in my life and buy the Devil's tool?
Lindsay Lohan is in all sorts of trouble today, but there's a couple dudes (and a lawyer) walking around who are thanking every God they've ever known for those text-messaging things. That could be me!
From what I gather a couple of 20-somethings were walking the streets of Santa Monica when this car goes by. They look in to see Lindsay Lohan (who, presumably they DO NOT know personally), in the car. SHE text-messages THEM and invites them to a party…
Do I have to go further?
I really don't give a damn that I'm in my 30's and look like something Robert DeNiro stepped in while making Godfather II and dragged around to this day. If this sort of a thing could happen to them, it could happen to me! The only real difference between them and me is they have one of those cell-text-messaging things and know how to use it and I don't.
How nuts am I? Poor Lindsay is having a hell of a time getting a handle on herself these days, and drunk and Godess knows what percentage stoned on Whatever! most of the time. She's making so many impaired judgments!
That gets me thinking… There's lots of women like that running around. If all that stands between me and that kind of serendipity, is a contract for 1/6th of my monthly income, then don't delay, please…SIGN ME UP!
These Dudes have already proven it: It is within the realm of the possible for someone as, well, let's say talented he winks, and rich and coveted as Lindsay to be whacked out on just the right combination of drugs and personal drama to be twisted enough to spy me on some corner and text-message me into her lair.
How could I NOT go? The Devil wouldn't even have to nudge me.
But, you say, it turned into a night of hell for them, she even rolled his own car over one of the guys' feet, it was reported.
Do you have any idea what those tread marks are worth?
That lawyer guy sure does…he's being oh, so, cool. “Oh, no!!” he says something like, though not as honestly. “Right from the jump we're going to play sympathetic to the young girl's plight, not even consider making her life more miserable and hold out, just a little while, for an astronomical settlement that no one will hear about. Of course, that means, even if the criminal charges we have in our back pocket (but REALLY don't want to use!)don't stick, the bad rep will, and really, Poor Lindsay's gone through enough, so let's spare her.”
And those Boy-Toy Pickups? Were it not for that device of theirs, we would never have heard of them. They never would have had met that very slick lawyer who will make them rich and probably get them cameos in her next movie.
But most important of all for their lives, let's face it, for one shining moment they had the hope of scoring with Lindsay Lohan!
If a cellphone could help me get closer to a dream like that,, tell me my horned friend, where do you want me to sign in blood?
Up until a little while ago, Drew thought he was just a hack. But then he tuned into http://mauihealingartist.com and learned that his only job is to be the fullest Drew that he can possibly be. There, he learned, there are things that can come through him that cannot be matched by anyone. This is true with you, too. Enjoy the Journey! Drew can be found at http://drewkittinger.zaadz.com |
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